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FICTION - ISSUE FOUR


Beans

JAMES YODER


"Beans, beans, they’re not a fruit, and whoever said so, is not a scientist.”
       -  Me to my schoolyard friends


“Pass the lima beans, Ma!”
        - Me, enjoying yummy beans despite being a picky teen


“Paris is worth a mass; a mass of beans, that is.”
       - Me, uninspired by Paris, inspired by beans


“I have so many beans that you couldn’t even count them.”
       - Me, a successful bean farmer who has many happy beans


“Lonely man seeking woman. Picture related: it’s my beanstalk.”
       - Me, searching for love


“Let’s go out for some coffee beans.”
        - My future wife, planning our first date


“Pinto is the cruelest bean.”
       - Myself, pensively fingering a bean pod, considering divorce


“It’s either me or the beans”
       -My wife, making an ultimatum. I kill her immediately.


“What would Jesus do?”
       - Myself, meditating upon two green beans I hold in the shape of a cross


“A bean is a bean is a bean.”
       - Me, in turn digging my hands into a gunnysack of garbanzos and throwing fistfuls into the sky to watch them rain down around me


“I have so many beans that you couldn’t even count them.”
       - Me, an old, lonely, delusional bean man, speaking to a bean on which I’ve drawn a friendly face












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James Yoder is the son of Ana and Jim Yoder of Dallas, TX. Beyond his curricular pursuits at Harvard College where he pursues an A.B. degree in Statistics and a minor in the Classics, he is a writer and editor for the Harvard Lampoon, a magazine that publishes jokes. You can read his other piece in Issue Four here. 
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NEXT

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CURATION
Photo Box

by Danielle Aykroyd 

RELEVANT

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FICTION
Enlightenment

by Kyle York
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HUMOR
Ethics Test

by Ellie Parker
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FICTION
Bucket's Day at the Beach

by Jacob Shelton
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