HUMOR - ISSUE FOUR
Ethics Test
ELLIE PARKER
The trolley problem, a classic ethical dilemma, lays the scene: someone standing on a bridge beside a fat man sees a runaway tram hurtling towards five railway workers below.
Scenario 1: You are the observer. You would save five lives by pushing the fat man in front of the tram. Are you obligated to act?
Scenario 2: You are rail workers in front of the tram. Why do you never move in this problem? Is it a union thing?
Scenario 3: You are the fat man standing beside the observer on the bridge. Do you let yourself be pushed? If you're heavy enough to stop a tram, how much longer will you live, really? Can you bathe yourself?
Scenario 4: You are that original observer, but you are deaf and blind and the fat man beside you is deeply preoccupied. Do you have an enhanced sense of smell?
Scenario 5: You are the wealthy London MP responsible for this tramline. What does MP stand for?
Scenario 6: You are divine presence overlooking the scenario. Are you a Christian God?
Scenario 7: You are again that original observer, and you attempt to push the fat man but fail. Who feels more awkward?
Scenario 8: Back to the fat man. What would you say is the most pressing global problem today?
Scenario 9: You are both the observer and the fat man.
Scenario 10: You are neither the observer nor the fat man. Can you stop staring? Discuss.
Eleanor Parker is a rising senior at Harvard College, where she eats at The Harvard Lampoon.
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