[Poetry] Glib Man by Rick Shapiro

POETRY - ISSUE FOUR

Glib Man

RICK SHAPIRO

GLIB MAN and RICK are at a fancy dark restaurant with thick, elongated wooden tables, high ceilings and raised booths.

GLIB MAN
Hi, I am Glib Man. I speak very glibly, very easily. Oh... Oh...
The government is awful. They are totally ripping us off!

RICK
Do you think there’s anything you can do about it, Glib Man?

GLIB MAN
Oh, I thought you meant ISSUES, you know, have a talk...
my point being... what time is it? Could you excuse me for a
second?

time passes...

GLIB MAN
I would order the dolphin, but aren’t they an endangered
species? But why do they protect dolphins? They are smart and
used in science, to learn communication with others. And they
beat them on the heads.

RICK
No no no, that is seals.

GM
Baby seals, that’s right.

RICK
Yes, seals.

GM
You know they even have cool milk here? It’s very good.
Mmmmmm, it’s sooo good. It’s made from dehydrated monkey
babies... that they use in experiments. You know, cholera... it’s
considered a form of seasoning. They use it in smoothies.

RICK
But doesn’t that bother you that they beat seals and dolphins?

GM
Oh, it’s a horrible thing. You know they also do it to a very
expensive breeds of poodle species’ pungent feces? And
kittens, too. Kittens are a delicacy in Eastern Romania. They
hang them by their paws and beat them on the heads; and
kittens are very resilient. It takes at least 12 strokes with an
extremely blunt instrument.

RICK
That’s horrible!

GM
Oh, it’s horrid.

RICK
It’s a travesty

GM
Oh, it’s a complete travesty... and a tragedy as well. That
would be a great board game: Travesty and Tragedy.

Another GLIB MAN in the booth adjacent pops his head over and addresses Glib Man.

GLIB MAN 2
Why don’t they make board games anymore?

GM
In Sri Lanka they use board games for roofs

Actor, comedian, author and poet, Rick Shapiro covers the entertainment spectrum. Shapiro, a 25-year comedy stage veteran and master of long-form and Improv can be seen on multiple television channels: HBO, FX, CBS, IFC and Showtime. He is currently developing a one-man show based on his book,UNFILTERED. Shapiro can be found in Los Angeles working on multiple projects.