When it got out that he might want to be a writer—specifically a poet, though he did like a ridiculous farce and thought he might want to have a go one day—the elephant found himself surrounded by advisers.
“The thing is to be as solitary as you can, and also to write every second of the day,” a boa told him. But the elephant enjoyed being social, was generally unhappy when he couldn’t be, and found that when he was unhappy he wrote even worse than usual. Moreover, the elephant was no diarist. He worried there wasn't enough in his head to be writing all the time.
A hyena offered his two cents. “Don’t listen to him, do you really seek to live like a boa? If you want my advice, I think you should stop being so lofty. Get yourself a formula and stick with it, and then just maximize your output continually. Like me.” The hyena went on to explain that he was employed with a whole group of animals, banging out novels for a certified Master Storyteller. But the elephant had little interest in those books, so he kept quiet.
Next a little monkey stumbled onto the scene. The elephant knew the monkey had actually written some good things, and was inclined to listen to his views. After fooling around in the trees for a bit, the monkey said this: “If you want to write, the only thing that matters is to be drunk—always, on beer, on wine, on cocktails as you please.” (The monkey’s cleverness at fleecing tourists was well known.) He had a few other points to offer, railed imaginatively and for some time against his peers, and then fell asleep on the spot, miraculously remaining perched on a thin branch.
At last the elephant decided to take a walk. At a certain point he stopped, stamped his feet a few times, lifted his head back, and gave a great trumpeting cry. The earth shook for miles. Left in peace, did he figure out how to really write? It’s not certain. But he did find it satisfying clearing the air this way, and from then on would do it every time before putting pen to paper.
Issue 2 Contributors:
EDITORS: ANNA PLOEGH, ANDREW RIDKER | DEPUTY EDITOR: HAYDEN BENNETT | CONTRIBUTORS: SETH BLAKE, J. BRADLEY, GIDEON CHASE, ANTHONY CINQUEPALMI, BEN CLARK, MICHAEL DEPASQUALE, COOPER EDENS, AMY GERSTLER, RACHEL B. GLASER, JAMES GUIDA, BEN MAZER, MATT MCCLURE, HEATHER MILES, AMY NEWMAN, BRIAN OLIU, NATHAN POOLE, BRYNNE QUINLAN, ANDREW RIDKER, EDMUND SANDOVAL, DAVID SCHUMAN, ERIN SHEEHY, B. THORBJORN, JOE WENDEROTH, COLIN WINNETTE, BENH ZEITLIN